Even nice hotels should look as funky as thisHotel, Motel, Hostel. 5-Star, 1-Star or a friend’s couch. They’re all dirty. Surely you’ve seen investigative reports on how germy even the nicest hotels really are, which makes staying at one feel like the beginning of a horror film. I look forward to the day when hotels are run by people with the strictest and least practical standards for cleanliness, but until then I offer you these tips:

  • Take the road less traveled: Be sure to stay in rooms that are less likely to be picked if someone had a choice. If there’s a 13th Floor (or 4th Floor in Asian cultures), try for one of those.
  • Check for bed bugs: Bed bugs are nasty, blood-sucking critters that are looking to take a ride home with you, and they’re enjoying a recent resurgence. They are even able to transmit diseases from biting multiple people, although the risk is low. Luckily, there is a national bedbug registry online, so you can check a place out before you book it.
  • Know what gets washed: With some foresight you can pack your own towel, sheet and pillowcase. If you’re caught without these, know that towels are normally washed every time someone checks out and should be considered the only clean fabric in the room. Bedspread? Forget about it. Discard that thing as if every plague had generations of family on it. Oh yeah, ditch that top sheet as well since it was touching the bed spread. If the bed looks particularly suspect, I recommend creating a Pillow Buffer.
  • That couch is for show: When was the last time the fabric on your couch or chair was cleaned? Yeah, that’s how clean the hotel ones are but with everyone else’s funk.
  • Everyone drank from that glass: Hotel glasses are probably the funkiest objects in your room. I suggest watching this video if you’re skeptical. Only use a provided cup if it’s the sealed plastic kind. You may be subjecting yourself to months, maybe even years, of people’s germs.
  • Wear socks: Even if you don’t like to wear them, keep in mind that microorganisms like athlete’s foot can survive for months on a bathroom floor. Wrap it up.
  • Bring disinfectant wipes: If the staff won’t clean to your standards, you can. Be sure to disinfect door and faucet handles, remotes, telephones, alarm clocks, lamps and appliances as people will touch these with their grimy hands the most.

    • If you have any tips or experiences in hotels that I didn’t show here, please let me know!